I remember my first ever break up – I was 19 and had just broken up with my high school sweetheart of over four years, and then he moved on to his next girlfriend the very next day. I was miserable, playing all the sad Whitney Houston songs on repeat, buried under my duvet, coming out only to go to school or work out my anger issues at the gym. After a couple of more heartbreaks and learning about grit and resilience, I think I’ve finally found the perfect balance of feeling your emotions, being kind to yourself, and healing. Here are 50 things to do after a breakup to become a happier and healthier you:
1. Remember that you are human. Heartbreak causes major physiological and neurochemical changes, and knowing that these changes are normal and expected will help you feel less alone in how you feel. It is totally normal to feel hurt and still not be ok three or six months or even a year after.
2. Be sure to unfollow your ex. If you are tempted to internet-stalk your ex late, turn off your phone and hide it. Stay away from all temptation to do something you might later regret. Remember, it ended for a reason.
3. Keep a reading list and commit to it. It’s a gorgeous, healthy escape, and you’ll have interesting book stories to share on future dates, upgrading your social skills in the process. So how do you find Machiavelli’s The Prince compares to Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power, then?
4. Practice self-care Sunday on any day of the week. You can mourn the relationship, but don’t make that a reason to let yourself go. Get a haircut, paint your nails, throw on a face mask, do something for yourself that you feel good about.
5. Consider getting an emotional support animal. “A pet’s unconditional love and supportive presence does wonders for boosting a mood. Contact with loving pets naturally increases the level of feel-good neurochemicals in the nervous system, and it’s so nice to come home to a wagging tail that’s just over the moon to see you walk through the door.
6. Leave the house. Get some fresh air. Go for a walk, get groceries, do an errand. The more quickly you re-acclimate yourself to normal life and find your new routine, the more quickly you’ll feel normal again.
7. Sweat it out. To quote Legally Blonde’s Elle Woods: “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy.”
8. Take long walks. It’s a head-clearing, soul-cleansing break from your day. Take a stroll around your village, walk to the nearby grocery, or challenge yourself to only head back after you’ve petted 10 dogs out on their walk.
9. Breathe. Close your eyes and slow your breath so that the length of your inhale matches the length of your exhale. Count to six as you breathe in, and six as you breathe out.
10. Journal absolutely everything. Cracking open that Moleskine offers you an outlet to work through all your issues. Challenge yourself to take your time when writing your thoughts on paper, savoring the experience instead of merely trying to fill pages.
11. Dance. Movement is a great way to become deeply, inescapably present, which is tough when you’re stuck in the pain of a breakup. It’s also a great way to get stagnant emotions moving and connect with others.
12. Practice gratitude. There are so many great things in the world to be happy and thankful for – gorgeous household plants, sandy beaches, and foggy mountaintops to name a few.
13. Introspect for personal growth. As we look forward, we have a renewed freedom to grow beyond who we were in the relationship to become the person we genuinely hope to be. We shouldn’t rush that process of becoming, but cherish the time to recover the best of our past authentic self and to aspire to discover new dimensions of our ideal self.
14. Hydrate. Let’s put it this way: If you’re crying often, this is especially important.
15. Send yourself little love notes. We often let others know that we care for them, yet we rarely pause to give ourselves healthy doses of self-love. Sending a sweet love letter to yourself can be a tremendous way to increase your sense of self-appreciation.
16. Follow an inspirational account on social media. Inspirational quotes and bonding with others going through a breakup can often be highly therapeutic. For amazingly positive power women, I highly recommend Jennifer Aniston, Emma Watson, Rihanna, and Lizzo to get you started.
17. Try a reiki session. Any energy healing is welcome energy healing. I also happen to be a reiki practitioner, so send me an email if you’d want to experience a session with me!
18. Resist contact with your ex while feelings are raw. This is a spiral you’d want to get out of quickly – giving yourself time to separate from your ex helps you to regroup and start building your life away from them. If you can hold off until you feel emotionally ready to be in contact, that‘s the best way to approach it, but there‘s no set time frame.
19. Feel your feelings. Drop any resistance to feeling your feelings and just let them be. When you pay attention, listen, and sit with the sensations in your body, the pain will start to melt and subside.
20. Binge-watch that awesome show everyone’s talking about. Consider it a welcome reason to finally watch Peaky Blinders, Narcos, Breaking Bad, or anything else on your list.
21. Write a letter to your ex. Let it all out onto the paper, then after you feel you’ve written everything you’ve ever wanted to say, mindfully burn it.
22. Embrace the quiet. You might have a hard time feeling your feelings, so if you quiet yourself, you make room for feelings to come out so they don’t eat at you. Think of this as your transformation period, you have created your cocoon of quiet before you do the inner work and emerge again, reborn.
23. Orgasm. Yup, you definitely read that right. Exploring your body on your own terms is incredibly empowering, and investing in your pleasure means you’re in the driver’s seat of your sex life. Finding out what hidden pleasures there are to be explored in your own body is actually quite empowering.
24. Be happy for the happiness of others. If we see everyone’s lives as their own experience rather than being in competition with one another, we can avoid the negative feelings.
25. Hold healing crystals. It’s not for everybody, but like everything else on earth, crystals vibrate at different frequencies and can help in mending our heart chakras. Popular ones for break ups are rose quartz, moldavite, and moonstone.
26. Practice thought stopping. When you’re feeling down, imagine a big red stop sign and yell “stop,” then do something to switch gears. Go out, take a walk, call or text a friend or family member.
27. Energetically refresh your bedroom. Sage your home and neutralize the negative energy. If you want to take it up a notch, you can also kon mari your space, moving out all of your ex’s stuff.
28. Get in touch with your heritage. Breakups rattle our sense of who we are. What better way to repair this, organically, than by connecting to your lineage? You may learn new things or discover a hobby that can help distract you and bring you out of rumination.
29. Find a flow-state-inducing hobby. Entering flow is a soothing emotional distraction and the perfect excuse to take up gardening.
30. Attend a sound bath. See if the vibrational energy shakes out any new sense of catharsis for you.
31. Listen to any music that helps you feel your mood. But for specific recommendations, I’m a fan of Toni Braxton’s “Unbreak My Heart,” when you’re sad, The Offspring’s “The Kids Aren’t Alright,” you’re angry, and R.E.M.’s “Everything Hurts” when you feel despair. Anything from Lizzo, you can listen to every single day.
32. Do a vinyasa flow. Get in the flow to support your brain and heart(break) health.
33. Give boxing a stab. Or a jab. In case you need to get out aggression.
34. Take a pole-dancing class. Embrace your inner J. Lo, and feel yourself.
35. Travel, but only after researching. The last thing you want is to spend a lot of money only to realize you’ve been duped 3,000 miles from home, especially after a traumatic event. Read reviews and email people who have been there.
36. Redecorate. Buy something or a few things you know your ex-partner would hate but you really like.
37. Burn incense or candles to ignite your sense of smell. Our senses are powerful tools and while you may be feeling a lot of things during a breakup, sweetness and light may not be among them.
38. Start a new skin-care routine. It’s called a “post-breakup glow” for a reason.
39. Focus on work. Now is a great time to build your career and boost your sense of personal ambition.
40. Build up your personal savings. Adopt the discipline of saving a set amount per month with automatic savings. It doesn’t have to be much–even saving ₱500 at a time helps.
41. Go on a wellness a retreat. Attending a retreat can be a great way to explore a beautiful new place, stay busy, and surround yourself with an uplifting community.
42. Buy a new sex toy. If your toy starts to malfunction or it just doesn’t spark joy, it’s time to retire it for a updated and upgraded model.
43. Learn to speak a new language. Sharpen your cognitive skills to lower communication barriers while you travel the world.
44. Learn to read tarot cards. You won’t feel frustrated anymore when you pull the death card, since you know all it means is transformation and the start of something new.
45. Find your unique genius. Do something that feeds the genius in you and speaks to your interests, passions or talents. You might not feel like it at first but once you have time to really appreciate you and express all the wonderful qualities you possess, you’ll feel better about life and work.
46. Project confidence even if yours is at a low point. Widening your stance can make a difference.
47. Challenge your inner strength. Go to a city by yourself, rent a car, take some walking or boat tours, and explore the city. This also focuses your mind, rallies your resources, and gets you away from the cues that remind you of your ex.
48. Spend time with your family. We’ve lost an important connection, so we might need to strengthen the connections we still have.
49. Talk to other people about your breakup, but avoid “the loop.” When you first go through a breakup, it’s important to purge conflicting feelings. But after all that is said and done, it’s important to resist the temptation to go repeat endlessly.
50. Know that time heals all. And that, truly, everything will be okay.